Happy New Year from Moldova!

I know what you're thinking: You're a little late on this one, aren't you? Joke's on you, because we have two Christmases and two New Years here! I am right on time. Good thing we have two, because I hadn't thought of any resolutions for the January 1 New Year's. 

I wasn't going to post this until tomorrow, but I've just been told I have to stay up until midnight to drink champagne to ring in 2015. Never mind the fact that I did that two weeks ago and would rather just go to bed. We must celebrate! So I've got some time to kill and I might as well do something with it. 

Recap of 2014 first? Okay! We'll start with this video.

This isn't the most accurate "Year in Photos" exactly, but I'm pretty lazy and would never have made my own, so when Google emailed me and said, hey we did this for you! I just thought I'd go with it. 

In 2014, 

• I went to: 147 medical appointments (slight exaggeration?). I did all sorts of things in preparation for leaving for Moldova. But these were, of course, the most fun. 
• I spent: 5 months and as much time as possible with family and friends in America. We celebrated holidays, had fun on trips, went to concerts, played games, spent time at church, stayed at home and drank wine while we watched The Bachelor.. 
• I wrote: 48 blog posts here at Wining & Whining. Most popular was the first one, followed by the one about my Moldovan "boyfriend." Both unsurprising, as people want to know that I'm safe in country and people want to know about my love life. Still safe and still going strong on not having a love life, don't worry.
• I read: 30 books/9,359 pages. My favorite of the year was Divergent, with The Thousand-Dollar Tan Line (first in the Veronica Mars series) coming in at second.
• I traveled: 8,045 miles by plane (roughly). Including airports, I've been in 6 countries in 2014. Plus the whole, moving across the ocean thing.
• I filled: 1 journal (thanks for the gift, Tracy! I'm on #2 now) full of stories and drawings and thoughts and nonsense that my future grandchildren are going to get such a kick out of one day. 
• I turned: 24. 
• I created: paintings, a tea table, counted cross-stitch, birdhouses, palm crosses, t-shirts.
• I sent: as many cards and letters to as many people as I could. How hard is my life right now not working at Hallmark/having a Hallmark nearby so I can get the perfect card for every occasion? Very. 
• I made: countless new friends, and I know some of them will be the lifetime kind.
• I had: some of the craziest experiences ever on this Peace Corps journey that's really just begun. 

I don't have "resolutions" exactly, but I have been doing a lot of reflection lately. I found this list of 50 questions - 40 to look back over 2014 and 10 to look forward to 2015. So I have been working on those and finished them last weekend. It was a lot to think about, but I seem to be alone with my thoughts pretty often so I think it was a good exercise to focus those thoughts for a little bit instead of having them wander. Which leads me to the things I'm hoping for in 2015. 

In 2015, 

• My theme for the year is going to be optimism. I liked to think I was optimistic already, but then I joined the Peace Corps and started whining a lot. In my defense, we all tend to get whiny sometimes. But I think I would be a lot more pleasant and improve my life/others' lives by trying to be more positive and optimistic. Now, that could get obnoxious too, but I'd rather be obnoxious and optimistic than constantly negative. 
• I'm going to read the entire Bible, with the help of the She Reads Truth app. It tells me what to read every day to get through the whole thing in one year.
• I might try to learn Romanian.. Or study.. Or something. 
• I've got some other personal goals I won't mention, but the last thing I'll say here is that I hope to be a source of light and love for the people that need me to be. And I hope to have a good excellent 2015. 

source

La mulți ani!

Praga!

Now that you know how we made it to Prague, maybe you want to know about our super fun vacation! 

First off, I have to mention that since we didn't have luggage, we pretty much had no toiletries (I know it's Peace Corps, but still). But when we arrived at the apartment where we stayed, our host had shelves full of hotel products and stuff people had left behind, so we didn't have to go out and find anything! It was the greatest. 

We did spend the first part of our first morning getting another shirt or two and some underwear and socks. Now that we had the essentials, we could start fun stuff! 

So we met up with four other PCVs that were in the city and did some sightseeing with them, which was great. We saw the castle and cathedral (from the outside; most of us didn't go in) and then 5/6 of us went on a wild goose chase for the perfect restaurant, which I think we eventually found. We parted ways to get ready for the rest of the night, as we had dinner and club reservations for New Year's Eve. 

Turns out we had dinner reservations at a place with about a hundred locations in Prague, but luckily, even though the one we all made it to was the wrong one, they had room for us. There was great food, great company, and fun playing games while we were there! Then we went out to one of the town squares to watch the midnight fireworks, and after that to the club for a little bit of dancing, a lot of trying to push through the crowd. I had fun, though! 

The next morning we had a leisurely brunch and then three of us took a leisurely walk to the National Gallery to see some pretty cool art exhibits, which I really enjoyed. We might have gotten lost on the way back, but all that meant was we got to tease the person who got us lost (good-naturedly, of course, as we always are) and have yummy Thai food instead of pushing through more crowds to see more fireworks. 

Our friends left the next day, so Stephanie and I had the day to ourselves, which we enjoyed with Mexican food, margaritas, Starbucks, and Mockingjay in English on the big screen.. Followed by some bars for one of us to meet cute boys (well I guess we both met them, to be fair). 

We got back late that night and found that we couldn't get into our apartment. There had been another group of girls staying there, and they (I want to say stupidly, but I also want to be kind, so I'm conflicted) left their key in the lock on the inside. So ours didn't work. We called our host and she said she'd call a locksmith in the morning but in the meantime she'd take us to her friend's apartment where she was staying (the friend was out of town..? or something). We just can't get away from these "adventures." I don't know what it was about this trip, but Murphy's Law might have been working harder than I would have preferred. 

The next morning, she hadn't come back from wherever she went after leaving us there, so we were slightly trapped until she returned. (I say slightly, but really, it was completely, as we couldn't leave without a key to open the door.) But we made the best of it, and when we got to leave, we took the first tram we found and got off when I saw the Dancing House. Being stuck in that apartment took us near a sight we wanted to see, which was near a restaurant where we could check off "try some Czech goulash" from our list. Two birds, one stone. 

We did some more wandering, shopping, sightseeing, etc. and then went back to our unlocked place to shower and change into our other shirt. Then we went dancing again!

The next day, we finished the rest of our "Things to do in Prague" list and met three more PCVs for a drink after dinner. These were the three we were stuck on the side of the road with in Romania, and it was great to see them and hear about their adventures! We went to a few bars with them and had a bunch of fun. Stephanie went back before me, which was intelligent, as we had to leave early the next morning for our flight, but I just wasn't ready to stop having fun, so.. When I finally went back, I may have fallen asleep on the tram and gotten kicked off at the end of the line. Guess how close the end was to where we were staying? If you guessed "not close at all" you would be absolutely right! There's that Murphy again. Or maybe just me, being stupid. You'd better believe that I stood up the whole ride back after that (thank goodness for all night public transportation) so I didn't miss my stop again. 

All hiccups aside, I had a really great time! It was fun getting to know Stephanie better, and getting to hang out with other cool people I rarely see. We had such good food and met some cool people from a ton of different countries. We may have gotten lost 60% of the time, but I think we ended up seeing some neat stuff that way. We did the whole trip without any luggage, but still managed to look fabulous and have fun! There's the Peace Corps spirit for ya. 

Now, where will I go next....?

How I Got To Prague

This post is subtitled: Why I Love My Peace Corps Family

How many things can go wrong with one trip before it even starts? Let me count them out for you, because so many. 

Admittedly, the first snag on the trip was absolutely, 100% my fault. And it's so stupid that no one here is ever going to let me forget it (especially not my host mom, who's already brought it up multiple times since I've been back). I packed for Prague and Kelsey's house at the same time, as I was staying with her before heading to Chisinau to leave for Prague. I wasn't planning on going back to my village before this, so I had to be ready for the next 2 weeks, essentially. I thought I was, but as I'm standing on the bus Sunday morning going towards Chisinau, it hits me that I undoubtedly do not have my passport. I don't even have to check, because I know I haven't packed it. I texted Stephanie, because she's my Prague travel buddy, and Kelsey, because she always knows what to do, and then I called my host mom. She found my passport for me and after some well-deserved scolding, agreed to get it to me that evening. 

Now that the passport hurdle had been crossed, Steph and I were ready for our trip to start going super smoothly. Our overnight bus to Bucuresti left at 9:30pm, so we had dinner, got our stuff together, and headed to the bus station. It was just starting to snow and we thought, oh, how lovely, our winter vacation is starting off great with a pretty snowfall! Later I think we both regretted voicing those thoughts, but at the time, we were fans of the snow. 

We put our suitcases underneath the bus and get on, too excited. We drive through Moldova and enter Romania (where our passports are checked and stamped, obviously, so thankfully we both had ours then!), and it hasn't stopped snowing. It's the middle of the night and the drive is taking longer than it should, but I am absolutely fine with that if it means the driver is making sure to be safe on the roads. We take turns sitting on the window side, because it's stupid hot on that side with the heater right next to us. We try to get a little bit of sleep but I don't think either of us were very successful. 

At about 5am, I'm sitting in the aisle seat and I can't sleep. I lean out into the aisle to look out the front window, and I am baffled at how the driver is managing. It is really snowy and dark and I remember thinking, I can't even see the road, how can he?! I just figure he knows what he's doing, so I lean back into my seat. 

Moments later, we crash.

I'm sure I don't have an accurate recollection of this, based on pictures in the news and the fact that I can use my logical brain after the fact, but it feels like we flip over. The bus skidded and flipped on its right side (it was absolutely not flipped over) to land in the ditch. I held on to my seat and it was over as quickly as it had started. I think my thoughts, in some order, were: Okay, I'm safe; is Stephanie okay?; what do we do?; and I need to call Sasha. (Sasha is our Safety and Security Manager.)

Everyone was talking in Romanian and it seemed like people's phones weren't working. It was hard to not fully understand what was going on, but I could gather that everyone was okay, the driver was safe, and that we would just have to wait there. One woman was very vocal and called police, ambulances, the 12am bus to Bucuresti to see if they had seats, etc. Another woman near us realized eventually that we spoke English and she tried to translate things for us. 

We hung out there on the side of the road for about an hour and a half - with Stephanie literally hanging, as the bus was sideways and we had been sitting on the left side. I was able to sort of sit on the side of one of the seats on the right, and we were able to find our belongings when the time came to get them all (with the help of fellow passengers). 

After that hour and a half, we saw flashing lights. We figured out that they were going to get us out of the bus, so we put on coats (oh, and we had just stopped at duty free, so someone's wine decorated mine a little bit) and got our stuff. We were very close to the emergency hatch on the top of the bus so someone threw that outside and people directed us to the opening. I couldn't actually climb out on my own so someone lifted me out and then ambulance workers took over and set me down on the ground. They guided me to an ambulance where we packed in with half or a third of the passengers. 

Thankfully right before we left, another PCV had taught us how to put our phones on roaming. If we hadn't done that, we wouldn't have been able to get in contact with anyone. We couldn't figure out how to make calls at first, but we were able to send texts. I texted Kelsey to see if she could get PC to call us, but we eventually did figure out how to call and in the ambulance we were able to speak with both medical and the on-duty Safety and Security person. 

The ambulance took us to a cafe/hotel bar of some sort. Peace Corps kept in contact with us all day, even though we rarely had anything new to tell them. Eventually the 12am bus to Bucuresti arrived, and some people got on it. Stephanie wanted to but I was confused and possibly slightly panicked about not knowing where we were going or where our luggage was, so at the last minute we got off that bus. I hadn't noticed the other PCVs on it at the time. 

Home-base for the day.

It turned out that it didn't matter that we hadn't gotten on that bus because it didn't get very far. The roads were closed so it came right back to where we were, and we were able to get on it to see our friends. Just being with them helped our stress levels a little, and their bus was closer to a gas station/cafe that had Internet so we were able to contact people with that. We hung out with them for the day while waiting for the roads to open, but during that time we missed our flight. 

When the roads finally opened around 2 or 3pm, everyone from both buses got onto the second one and we headed towards Bucuresti (without our luggage, as they wouldn't take it off our bus until the crash had been investigated.. or something). We were about 70km away the whole day. It was slightly scary to be on what felt like the exact bus we'd just been on, driving through snow again, but I managed to fall asleep for a bit. 

I woke up to a man nudging me to wake me up and ask if we wanted to share a cab with him to the airport. We had spoken to him earlier in the day so he knew we were trying to get to the airport, as was he. He had learned that the bus would normally stop at the airport, but with all the delays it wasn't going to this time, so the driver had agreed to let him off somewhere close where he could find a cab. We agreed to get off with him. He was a nice guy from Moldova with perfect English. 

We got to the airport and saw two more PCVs who had taken the train there instead (which will always be our winter travel option from now on), and it was as if they were sent from heaven. They went to the Czech Airlines counter with us, where the lady told us that since we had been late, our whole roundtrip was cancelled. We didn't really know what to do, so Amanda called Czech Airlines for us - thankfully, because they were terrible to her and I know I couldn't have lasted that long on the phone with them (I was crying just listening to her side of the call!). While Amanda was being so great on the phone, Elizabeth was cheering us up by being her usual sunny self. After getting no help from the airlines, the four of us went to get a drink before the two of them left to board their plane. Thank goodness those two were there; they were like lifesavers just with their very presence. 

They left and Stephanie said we had to eat something, so we had pasta in an airport restaurant while we tried to decide what to do. There's an RPCV in Bucuresti so we thought we could maybe stay with her, get our luggage back, and then head back to Moldova. Neither of us could afford another plane ticket. Stephanie had been talking to her mom at the time and while we were eating, her mom called back and said that she had talked with Stephanie's dad and they had decided that they would each buy one of us a new ticket to Prague. There was more crying, this time from both of us, because we didn't even think we were going to get to go on our trip and they so graciously made it happen. They even made the return ticket straight to Chisinau so we don't have to go back to Bucuresti anytime soon. We couldn't even believe it. 

So we spent the night on the very luxurious floor of the airport and kept in contact with PC, a fellow bus traveller, and our RPCV friend about the luggage situation.. But eventually we realized that we'd be going to Prague with only the things we had in our carry-ons. 

The next day, while still waiting on the floor, we met a Romanian family of four with precious little boys and talked with them. We told them of our "adventures" and they wouldn't take no for an answer when they left and left us with a bunch of food. They were so sweet! One of the little boys asked if I was married and I said no and asked him if he had a girlfriend. He said, yes, of course, but we only kiss on the cheek, not on the mouth. The dad had clearly given us some of the boys' Christmas candy, and they were young but didn't mind one bit. The whole family was adorable, and I could talk to them in Romanian, so that was a confidence booster I needed to keep making it through this travel. 

We finally left and made it to Prague just a day late. The whole trip took 48 hours and we went through 4 countries by the time we got there.. We were exhausted, but had great directions to our apartment, where tea (and a bed that was not a floor or bus seat) waited for us. 

We had so much support, both in person and through messages, from PCVs, RPCVs, PC staff, family, and also a ton of strangers (people translating for us, people just being kind to us, another passenger from the bus who gave us her number and texted us with information about where the luggage would be, etc). I can't really speak for both of us, but I feel safe in saying that we are so grateful for everyone who helped us along the way. Couldn't have done it without you. 

More to come on the actual vacation part of the trip! 

Spoiler alert: We didn't have our luggage for any of the trip, BUT Peace Corps got it back for us and it was waiting in Chisinau when we returned!

Ziua Raionului & Gradinita Christmas

It is currently Christmas Eve and I am patiently awaiting a phone call from my host mom. She is playing Santa at the kindergarten today and I get to go watch that happen, so that'll be entertaining, probably. 

Until then, I'll tell you all about Ziua Raionului, which my partner and the mayor took me to yesterday. 

The day before, multiple people informed me that I needed to be frumoasa, which I think was code for: step it up a little, Catea. You're going to see people besides us tomorrow. My host mom even came home and said, the mayor told me you guys are going to a fancy restaurant so you'd better wear your high heels. Um, okay. Would you like to pick out a dress for me, too? Just kidding, but really. That might have helped. 

I apparently did well, because when I got to work, everyone really liked that I looked nice (and were probably wondering why I don't put that much effort in on a daily basis - well I'll tell you, it's because I'm in a serious relationship with my snooze button.. I just can't quit it). 

After hanging out working for a while, 5 of us piled into the mayor's car, and we were off to Ștefan Vodă! When we got there, my partner asked where my friend was, and they told me my seat number multiple times before dropping me off to meet her while they went who-knows-where. So I found Kelsey in the Casa de Cultura, working hard with her Youth Fund kids. 

Then it was soon time to find my seat, and eventually the mayor and my partner showed up. It was about 3 hours of speeches, dances, songs, poems, skits.. And it was awesome. I mean, admittedly, it started out a lot more awesome than it ended.. I got tired, okay?! And ended up kind of tuning out with all the Romanian - it's very hard to have your active listening turned on for such an extended period of time. 

After the performance was over, they said it was time to go to the restaurant, so I thought it was just a special day and we were going out to eat, but we saw a big bus and my partner said, they're going to the restaurant too! So that was slightly confusing, until we got there and I figured it out. It was a big banquet hall (the mayor even told me his daughter's wedding reception had been there) and there were so many people. My partner kept pointing out important people - the wife of the raion president sat at our table, for example. 

My partner (the wife of the raion president is on the far right)

It was a very Posh Corps event. You know how you can tell you're at a fancy event by the number of forks you don't know how to use? Well, there was only one fork here, but there were three different glasses for each person. You had your wine glass, your champagne glass, and your glass for liquor. Priorities, people. The table was stocked with local wines from Purcari and Et Cetera wineries, plus others I didn't recognize, and of course, a bottle of cognac every few people (of which I did not partake). 

There was SO MUCH FOOD and I ate pretty much everything. It was the best and most I've eaten in probably 6 months. Which, if you recall, is about the whole time I've been here. I can't even tell you how great it was. There were tons of great vegetables, and there was meat, and there was the greatest smoked cheese I feel like I've ever eaten, and oh, the wine. We started out with servers, and they would politely say, ma'am, what would you like to drink, and the mayor would answer for me and we would always be trying the same wine (precious).. But eventually the men at the table got impatient and wanted to pour the wine for us on their own, so that happened. He wanted us to try basically every wine, so we had to do that. He would say, Catea, this is from Et Cetera, remember how we went to that winery together? Yes, Primar, in fact, I do. 

Then there was dancing! Suddenly the mayor stood up and offered me his hand, and we were dancing. Then we did the hora, and then I got a break while he danced with Kelsey's partner, and then we danced some more! 

Finally the night was over, though surprisingly I wasn't itching to go (sometimes I have to go to events and I get tired and secretly cranky, but not for this). My partner stole some candy for me, we got our coats, and we headed back home. It was a fun day! 

I've also now been to the kindergarten Christmas/New Year's program, which was adorable. The kids sang, danced, recited poetry, did skits.. And they were adorable. Everything one would hope for in a nursery school Christmas program. Crying and messing up and just being precious. It was great. And my host mom was Santa.. Kind of a scary Santa, but I guess it worked for her, as only one girl cried.

And I got to Skype with my family for Christmas and "open" some presents that will wait two years for me. Tomorrow I'll see my friends for Christmas Day and all will be well! 

Merry Christmas!! 

Currently #6

Currently...

Reading Adaptation by Malinda Lo (and two other books, but I've been hooked on this one for a bit). Sissy recommended it and I haven't decided if I like it or not, but I'm halfway through. I bet she tricked me into reading this without telling me it's part of a series... THANKS, Hannah.  

Writing tons of notes on this report on modern libraries. There's an organization here that works with libraries in Moldova. They have just started a PCV program where a group of us will learn something new each month to help us work with our village/town libraries. The PCV that works with this organization sent us a report to read about libraries in America and I thought it was so interesting that I took pages of notes, and got really excited about the program we're starting.

Listening to X, aka Chris Brown all day long. Amanda told her mom to send it to me and it was one of her best ideas ever. I don't know if 16-year-old me would believe that 24-year-old me isn't as obsessed with CB as she was, but I'm making up for it a little bit I think, having played this CD at least 6 times in the last two days. 

Thinking about day 200. I've been in Moldova for 200 days as of today. It feels like a lifetime and also like no time at all, which is simultaneously frustrating and encouraging. 

Smelling mint Oreos! I don't know how many days I can really be expected to stretch out this package of cookies for.. So don't judge me.

Wishing I could have been at my house last night in person instead of just with Skype. Multiple people conspired to keep me up until 2:30am so I could see them all together without even knowing that's what was happening. It was awesome. And obviously worth staying up til 4am talking to them! Slightly jealous that Becky and Rasheesh and my mother all got to hang out without me, buuuuut.. I guess I was included as much as I could have been, haha. 

Hoping we can successfully make it to Prague and have a GREAT time.. So great that it re-energizes us for the new year. Because 2015 is a lot of Moldova. It's daunting, a little bit.

Wearing sweats on sweats on sweats, duh. Actually I guess I'm exaggerating slightly (who, me?!) because it's just the one pair of sweatpants. 

Loving everyone, near and far.

Wanting it to be time for our Christmas party! We are having a tiny Christmas party at Kelsey's house for some of the lost boys so that we aren't sad and lonely on what is, for some of us, the first Christmas away from family, and for all of us, a day where we don't want to be alone. Needless to say, I'm pretty excited about it. 

Needing to organize my room and decide what I'm packing for Prague.. The worst part about going anywhere - packing. Nu-mi place. 

Feeling better this weekend after a week filled with feeling terrible. Turns out it's more helpful to talk about stuff than to not.. Who would have thought? 

Clicking the A to X Writing Advice, which is fun and informative. Also these most-highlighted quotes from recent fiction by women. Here's a sample: 

“For although a man is judged by his actions, by what he has said and done, a man judges himself by what he is willing to do, by what he might have said, or might have done — a judgment that is necessarily hampered, not only by the scope and limits of his imagination, but by the ever-changing measure of his doubt and self-esteem.” - The Luminaries, Eleanor Catton

Currently #5

Currently...

Reading The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield, my fifth book for the Semi-Charmed Winter Book Challenge. It's entertaining if not occasionally a bit hard to follow. I was attempting a book in Romanian but I had to give up, because, guess what? I'm not at that level yet. Or ever. 

Writing this blog, obviously. The latest of that is my last gratitude series of November and this long thing I wrote about all the PCVs I'm obsessed with. TRY to guess who's who; you can't, and I'm not telling.

Listening to more Christmas music than any one person should. I've pretty much got my quota for the year listened to, and I'm nowhere near done. How many times can I hear Mariah Carey tell me that all she wants for Christmas is me before I get sick of it? The limit does not exist. 

Thinking about how I always seem to have accidental sleepovers at Kelsey's house. Today makes number... 3. (An accidental sleepover occurs when you plan to go to someone's house but not to stay the night, and you end up staying. I'm sure my mother is oh-so-glad that the closest volunteer to me is a female now that she knows I have so many of these.) We hung out today and I had planned to catch the last rutiera home but I got 3 phone calls in a row from my host mom so I figured I should answer.. And she said, "Do not come home." Uhhhh.. She told me it was too dangerous with the ice and snow so I had to stay here and wait for the morning. So that's what I'm doing now! 

Smelling cough drops and shampoo. 

Wishing I could think of really great Winter Wizard ideas.. We have a Secret Santa type thing that goes all the way through to the end of February (hey, winters are hard) that's called Winter Wizards. I'm really excited about it and obviously want to be the best wizard ever, but it's hard to think of stuff to write to them online/cute little gifts to send, especially when you don't know your match SUPER well (which I don't, but I love them anyway - maybe I love everyone though? It's questionable). But I did manage to find a cute little something to leave in their locker the next time I go to the PC office so that's fun!

Hoping that we get good news about our project concept note tomorrow - that's the day we find out if we made it to the next stage of applications or not. I'm really really hoping we do, because I don't know what the next step is with the project if we don't. 

Wearing the comfiest pants known to man. MOVE OVER, PAJAMA JEANS. STEP BACK, SWEATPANTS. There is a new winner in town, and I don't even own them. Kelsey is letting me borrow these sweet legging things and they are so soft on the inside I want to marry them. That, or just try to find a pair of my own in Chisinau later. Can you marry pants? It's questionable. I'll hold out for a little longer, maybe I'll fall into deeper love with a sweatshirt or something. 

Loving Christmas crafting, cookies, friends, romcoms, and sleepovers! 

Wanting my mother to open the package I sent her RIGHT NOW but also not wanting her to do it without me. I don't want to brag or anything but it's the cutest present Moldova could ever produce and I just can feel it sitting in the house, waiting to be opened. But I won't allow them to do so without me watching while Skyping, so there's that. The party line is that I have to explain stuff (which is somewhat true, but not totally necessary) but really I just want to be excited while they're excited opening the greatest present ever. Ask her about it when you see her. Maybe she'll carry it around and show everyone. Good idea, I think.  

Needing there to be stairs on our new spiral staircase. The staircase exists.. And it's usable. But there aren't exactly steps, just the shells of them, so it's still slightly dangerous.

Feeling fed and comfortable. Turns out Kelsey's a great cook (is this post JUST about Kelsey? I mean, maybe), plus, the pants. 

Clicking the amazing history of the to-do list (history's somewhat lacking in this piece, but still a good read) and an article by someone who sent all her text messages in calligraphy for a week. 

This is your brain. This is your brain on Peace Corps.

I spent November being intentional in thinking about the things in my life that I'm grateful for. But if I'm being honest, it didn't require a whole lot of thought on my part. Each day, something would happen and I would record it in my draft for the weekly post. I never sat down and thought about it at length. 

I don't speak out loud very much. It's difficult when you don't speak the same language as your coworkers and the people you live with, but it's not impossible. It's not that I don't say anything, it's just that I don't say much. I never thought about fluency in a language being a luxury, but, oh, how it is. I can absolutely communicate basic thoughts and I'm not completely lost all the time with getting around and living my life here, but I'm not able to connect with anyone on more than a basic level. 

In a book review for The Other Language by Francesca Marciano (which I have not read), the reviewer says about the book: "Yet she discovers, first as an adolescent and then as an adult, that fluency in a language doesn't guarantee her yearnings will be heard, much less understood." True, but not altogether comforting.

With all of that and with the amount of time I spend alone (most of my time), I have a lot of time to think. But I don't use my time to think. Sure, I'm introspective and I question things and journal and I spend a lot of time in my own head. But I just spent this weekend with other PCVs and for the last few days, I haven't been able to stop thinking. 

It's hard to describe what's going through my head because I can't even pin it all down; it's so varied. But here I am trying.

I'm thinking about the future. What I want in life, what I don't want, what I hope to have eventually but not anytime soon. I'm thinking about the present. What I want to do, what I am doing, what life is like. I'm thinking about the past and how somehow, all the choices I made have led me to this moment and this adventure. I don't know if everything happens for a reason but I know some things do and I've got to be here for a reason. 

I'm thinking about my Peace Corps family. I'm thinking about how you can enjoy time with so many different kinds of people who have such different life experiences, and how they can turn your world upside down just by showing you a different point of view or by saying something to you that they didn't even know would have such an impact. Maybe they'll never know. 

I'm thinking about how you can meet someone "new" at every event, because every gathering of people is a slightly different mix. The perfect mix. A beautiful mix.
You can vaguely know who someone is, speak to them at length for the first time Friday, and pull an all-nighter with them Saturday only to fall asleep with them on the couch Sunday morning. 
You can pinky promise someone to be their best friend and not have any doubt that you both mean it. 
You can dance with someone and cook with someone and play cards with someone while someone else carves a turkey in the next room. 
You can plan events with people in all the languages you know (or try to know) and laugh about how ridiculous it all is instead of getting frustrated with how difficult it is.
You can have someone look into your eyes while they're talking to you and just feel that they're getting to you all the way down in your heart and soul. 
You can get lost with someone and not even care because you're with them whether you know where you are or not. 
You can have a conversation that starts with politics and elections and ends up with a link to a multilingual version of "Let it Go." 
You can find people who inspire you and people to look up to - people who might be younger or older than you, but that make you want to say, "I want to be her when I grow up." 
You can tell someone how you really feel and not worry that they will judge you or tell the whole country all your thoughts. 
You can count on someone to tell you the Packer score (we're ahead, hopefully) and someone else to be confused about why you're a Packer fan from Virginia. 
You can have a friendship that started day one with banana bread flavored beer that you'll never stop talking about. 
You can miss the people who have had to leave, and you will.
You can only hope that people are okay with the hugs you give that are probably too long for real life but that you want to prolong because of your lack of friendly human contact. 
You can fall in love with the people in your program, the people in your part of the country, the people you just want to fall in love with. 

I'm thinking about how I can look around at a room full of PCVs and feel like I'm at home with these people I didn't even know existed 6 months ago. I'm thinking about how 6 months ago we were literally strangers, and now I can't imagine life without them. There are some that I absolutely do not want to have to do life without, and I feel like I know who some of them are at just 6 months in. I feel like I knew who some of them were at 6 weeks, or 6 days. Is 6 hours pushing it? I'm thinking about how I have absolutely fallen in love with these people, and I can say without a doubt that they are the perfect people to be on this crazy journey with. It couldn't have happened any other way. 

I'm thinking about this quote from The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan: "It's not quite love, and it's not quite community; it's just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team." In other words, "the opposite of loneliness." This perfectly describes the way I feel about the people on my team, the people in my corner, the people I'm going to be spending the next 20 months with and the ones who, even when I am lonely, manage to talk to me from another part of the country and make me feel like maybe, just for a moment, I'm not. 

I'm thinking about how I may never stop thinking. I don't know what's going on in my head but it's something. I'm thinking about how I don't want to stop because maybe I'll figure out something I need to know, or something somebody else needs to know. 

I'm thinking about how crazy I am for being here. Yes, sometimes I want to get on the first flight back home, but with weekends like this one I just had and thoughts like the ones I've been having.. With all these things I think are true, I think I'll stick to feeling crazy for a while and see what I can do here, in this place, with these people. What am I doing? I don't know. But I'm thinking.. I'm thinking I'm gonna make it.